flashlights donít talk back
why do you, flashlight hater
TURN IT OFF! QUICKLY!
the end draws nearer
this hurtling ball of doom
man Iím so hungry
staples hurt my hands
I staple them to the desk
I really should stop
rainbows and candy
large explosions and cy-borgs
donít consume the glue
your lips may stick together
not good for talking
My dreams are filled with terror
Thereís not really much I can do
For my nightmare draws ever near
Of a horrible monster that hungers,
That swings from tree to tree
His appetite unmatched
But for his inquiry
This curious monster does seek me
For his name is curious George
And I fear that when he finds me
His appetite heíll gorge
My fears may sound quite odd
But fear him you would too
For when he eats your family
Thereís not much you can do
At current I am quite hidden
Though I fear itís not forever
My curious chaser is quick
And my life he intends to sever
At last the demon approaches
With compulsory banana in hand
His horrific howls cut through me
As I prepare for my final stand
"Damn your unquenchable gut!
Damn your inquisitive mind!
Is there not a thing you want not eat
Nor a thing you cannot find?"
At this the monkey spoke
So you, I will have to eat
I will cook you over a fire
For you look like grade A meat"
"Never!" I screamed , as I raised my fists
Preparing for a good one on one
For my family! I spat as I knocked him good
Then I started to have some fun
For Billy and Jimmy and Sandra and Sue
I picked him up and punched him blue
And for my wife I threw him down
This evil monkey was through
I tied him up then drove away
And found the nearest bridge to there
I threw him off to make him pay
Made sure he drowned with tender care
So, this is the end of his horrible hunt
The end of my horrible chase
The end of his stinking monkey life
And his stinking monkey face
Paint chips are our friends
Their taste is just like lead
Just do not eat too many
Or you could end up dead
You may just go insane
And that is real okay
So eat Ďem up, yum yum yum!
And have a wacky day
Curse the Coconut Tree
Curse the coconut tree
and curse itís rotten seeds
If only you could know of
itís awful, awful deeds
I now am but one half a man
without my own two legs
I rue the day I scaled that beast
and gained these very pegs
Plucking the Ďnuts off of the top
I noticed a monstrous crab
He scared me half to death he did
I fell, not a thing to grab
Still I was uninjured
lying there on my back
Until the bastard coconut
hit me with a smack
My legs I quickly amputated
without one hesitant thought
Then I subdued the coconut
good god, oh how it fought
I beat him to submission,
Then sliced him full of cuts
Then cracked the monster open
and ate his inner guts
My Radioactive Adventure
Being giant and green is fun
but then again so is a gun
It can be unsafe and very bad
and sometimes itíll make you mad
You can get so very red
that you make some people dead
The only thing that you should do
Is sit right down and think it through
Ask yourself why you are green?
And why youíre acting very mean
Quite soon youíll find a neato cure
Itíll work, Iím very sure!
So if you grow with super height
Recall this poem with all your might
The Meaning of Life
The Iguana sits staring at me
He makes me contemplate the meaning of life
Are we all Iguanas on the inside?
I for one enjoy siting on a nice warm rock
What do Iguanas eat?
Do they like mashed potatoes?
Mashed Potatoes are my favorite
It gives me great pleasure to eat them
How beautiful thou art
Never shall we part
From Swiss Chalet
I will eat you today
Sometimes when I look up at the stars I think,
Do other creatures inhabit their solar-systems?
If yes, why do they not they say hello?
Or stop by for a quick spot of tea?
Why are their stars green unlike our own?
Our own is white and yellow, not green
Why do their stars glow brighter?
Brighter after I shine my flashlight on them?
And why, why are they attached to my bedroom ceiling?
My star is in the sky, not the ceiling!
My parental unit tells me that they are stickers,
Foolish "mother", I will inform her soon
Men do not grow to the height of my bedroom ceiling
No manner of creature could reach so high
Stickers cannot glow with the blazing intensity of a dim lightbulb
Nor can they talk to me, the voices, the voices